General

Okay I’m 18 and I just started college. So basically I have liked guys attractive and have liked guys from afar like celebrities or people I have never talked too but I have never liked someone for their personality in a romantic way. Like the guys I would have crushes on, I had this fake idea of who they were and I thought I was in love with their perosnality but I just ended up making up who I thought they were. I just don’t understand what it feels like to fall in love with someone’s personality I guess. I’m gay and in the closet so I’ve never dated but I’m just scared I’ll never be in a true relationship because I feel like I’m incapable for falling in love with someone. The relationship would just end up feeling like a friendship. Does anyone have any advice?

[quote]ShakesSphere:
Watch the movie Rocketman. Sir Elton didn't find true love until he was nearly middle aged.[/quote

Might have to ]

Sounds like you might possibly be putting to much pressure on yourself or have you considered that maybe you’re not really gay? Perhaps you have some hidden roadblock… Bad examples from your childhood or something? I wonder if counseling would be helpful? Perhaps it would be good just to get to know guys without any expectation or hope of more. What you seek might naturally evolve on its own once the pressure to find it is not there. I hope that makes sense. It’s quite possible you just haven’t met the right person yet.

Sometimes you just have to try things mate. Personally, my best relationships with men and women have been when I feel like they're my best friend as well as my partner so don't let the friendship feelings deter you. It can sometimes take a while to develop romantic feelings for people. Don't pressure yourself to fall in love, it'll happen when it happens. Best of luck to you.

It's very hard for someone to give advice on this because we unfortunately don't have full knowledge or an understanding about all of your circumstances, past encounters and criterion regarding what you define as a relationship. That being said, what i gather from your post is that you feel a lot of fear about not exactly matching the standards about finding a relationship and being in one, in a way you "force" yourself to idealize these people whom you thought you liked romantically in the past, falling in love with that version instead of the authentic one. From this, i see that your pushing yourself very hard and darling you can relax about this.

From what you posted, you're closeted, you push yourself to be inclined towards others for who they're not and now you worry about keeping up with everyone else in the romance category- societal pressure is your enemy. So I'd advise you to acknowledge that things will come as they come. Time is often a friend and a healer until you make it your adversary.
you are on your own clock not anybody else's and everybody, no matter how they execute their relationships has absolutely nothing to do with you. When you begin your own relationship without forcing or rushing it that will be something that you make the rules in and you grow personally. Have some self reflection time to decide what's important to you, ask yourself what you want and feel comfortable with that decision because there is no "i "should" feel" there is simply how you do feel. Don't compare yourself to to others. Know yourself and love yourself, and be proud of yourself for exactly who you are, even if that's someone who wants to take their time before falling in love because they want something real.

all good vibes to you, friend; this sounds like a hard situation, just from having to stay closeted. Everything WrenWilde said is *incredibly* well-put and true in my own experience, even though being patient suuuuucks in that part of life, and being told to wait it out is easier said than done.

Also know that some people out there are demisexual (only capable of forming attraction to someone after they've gotten to know them very well), asexual, or aromantic, and those relationships can still be very fulfilling and those people are as valid as anyone else.

thanks this helps alot

thanks. This helps alot

Hey there, being 18 and confused about romantic attachments, whilst in the closet, and with the addition of an interest in this scene can feel like dealing with an emotional mine field. But things will get better. Its a cliché but its true. You have to remember to breathe, don't be too hard on yourself, you'll find your own way that works for you.

On a personal note, I had similar experience of projecting my own expectations on guys when I was younger. My resolution came when I was outed by accident. While it was hard to deal with, it allowed me new found freedom to actually make more meaningful connections with guys in real life. I'm not suggesting that this would work for you or anyone else. But, I understand what you must be feeling and it can help to talk it out with someone sometimes so if you would like to chat, don't be afraid to reach out.

Love comes all of a sudden and smacks you in the face.
When it does you will know it.
I felt that way too when I was 18.
I knew absolutely nothing about love.
All I can say is don't rush it just let it happen on its own.